Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My Little Indians

Ever sang the song "One, little two, little three, little Indians" when you were little? :) Try singing it again with your hands (middle finger in particular) held up high.  Ehem. Ehem. Get the drift? Oh yesssss, my ever reliable Indians. How I love them to bits! They never fail to amuse me, amaze me and make me feel oh-sooooo-goood! LOL! When the going gets tough, and the tough wants to get rough, whatchagonna do? Do the 5 knuckle shuffle! el-Oh-el**

Menstruation and hormonal changes are partly to blame for a woman's increase in libido. There are certain days in the month when you feel like you are really on a roll! Right? Right? Or is it just me? Hahaha! There's nothing wrong about having a healthy sex drive. What you do to calm down your sexdrive is another thing.

Let me try to sound "Discovery Channel"-ish even for just a few minutes. :)  You know how noisy cats can get when they are in heat, right? So what their owners do (at least according to my "research") to calm them down is to insert a Q-tip in their vajayjay or whatever you call their glory-hole until they cum! Oh yesssss, such hot pussies (no pun intended), right? Hehe! 

So you see, my dear lady friends, there's nothing to be ashamed of, because twaddling your twiddle ain't a bad thing.  It's normal. If the pussies can do it, so can you! And please don't use a Q-tip for crying out loud!

**LOL=laugh out loud

Monday, February 22, 2010

I miss you!

I miss blogging. I miss sharing my thoughts with the world. I miss being my bold, and witty self. I'm having writer's (or should I say Blogger's) block for the past couple of weeks. Actually, I'm also busy with work and school, what with the coming Finals and all. That on top of having writer's block. So that explains the lack of posts for the last few weeks.

I have always been very open about my life and my thoughts. But lately I find myself thinking and censoring what I should and should not write about. Weird, right? As the number of readers of my blog grows, I find myself becoming less and less vocal about my take on sex, love, life and everything-in-between.  

Maybe I'm lacking inspiration. Or maybe I'm just too busy. Whatever it is that's keeping me away from blog'o'ville, I hope it releases me soon enough. I miss writing. I miss venting out my feelings. I miss being my pervy, sarcastic self. LOL!

I'll bounce back soon. I know it. Until then, I leave you with this mind-boggling question, Are you beddable or not? :) (Please feel free to comment!)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Bangkok Report - Part 1

I have been to Bangkok twice in less than a year so I thought of doing a lil' report.  I'll try to make this a "Lonely-Planet"-worthy-material, if you know what I mean.  This is an account of how my first trip went. I'll make a part-two for my second trip, and that I tell you is more fun! LOL!

Bangkok is close to home - literally and figuratively. Bangkok has a bit of semblance to my beloved Manila in more ways than one.

1. There's too much traffic during rush hour. Lots of cars and PUVs on the road. Tuktuk is to Bangkok as Tricycle is to Manila.
And if you get unlucky, there are also Bangkok taxi drivers who won't go by the meter but will charge you based on a 'fixed' fare much like the cabdrivers in Manila. And this got me wondering, is this more of a behavioral thing or a cultural thing? Hmmmm.... me not likey!

And yeah, before I forget, the vehicles in Bangkok are right-hand driven which made it difficult for me (at first) to cross the street! Haha! Because you have to look in both directions! Tsk! It's sooo counter-intuitive! Why oh why my dear asian brothas' do you have to manufacture your cars that way?!?! Explain! LOL!

2. There are lots, and I mean lots of cheap clothes that can be had everywhere in Bangkok! You just have to know where to look. On my first trip, my friends and I rummaged through all the racks of dresses and bags in Chatuchak and Platinum Mall. It was total heaven for us cheapo-shoppers. Haha! I barely had enough shopping money during that time but I still went home with excess baggage. So can you just imagine how cheap is cheap, right?! :) 

I cannot remember which mall this 'paparazzi' shot (hahahaha, as if!) was taken. As you can see, I'm just strolling in cotton shirt and super-short shorts. This is because the temperature in Bangkok is hotter (me thinks) than Manila. Or it might be that I'm just used to the Manila sun. But please for the love of life, if you want to go shopping or strolling in the afternoon, whether you are here or in Bangkok, please please please and I can't stress it enough - DRESS LIGHTLY! or else you'll die of heat stroke! Tsk tsk tsk!
Of course, here in Manila, you'd also find an array of cheap items mostly in Divisoria and Greenhills. Though Greenhills is a tad bit upscale, more people tend to buy items from here because it's too much effort to go to Divisoria, what with the traffic and all.

3. Aside from cheap clothes, the food in Bangkok is also relatively cheap! There are lots of little quaint restaurants in every corner. Or if you want to be adventurous, there's also an array of streetfoods that you can try out.  Of course they don't have those 'tusok-tusok fishballs' on the street, but instead, you'd see Pad-thai and fruits everywhere!  

Pad Thai is a dish of stir-fried rice noodles with eggs, fish sauce and chili (optional).  We tried this out once and ate it in the hotel and the girl gave us this condiment which looked to me like salt. So when we were about to eat it, I sprinkled a tad bit too many, and to my dismay it's not SALT but SUGAR! Ewwwwww! Stupid me! I should've tasted it first before I sprinkled it. TSK. Oh yes, most of their food are sweet. They even have their version of "adobo",  I don't know what it's called, which is super sweeeet!
Aside from their noodles, we also went on to try their version of Starbucks, street-style!  Haha! There was a long line of  Thais who were buying from this barista (LOL) so it got us interested to try what the ruckus was all about.

The coffee tasted so much like the Cafe Mocha of Starbucks, only this one is creamier.  And you  have the option to have it either iced or hot.  And the largest cup is only 20 baht! Beat that!  And not to mention, the Thai barista looked cute too! We should've taken his picture but of course, nakakahiya! Hahaha!
Me and my friends were looking for fried insects much like the ones that were eaten by the "Amazing Race" contestants when they had their leg in Bangkok but we couldn't find any. Or maybe we were just looking in the wrong side of town.  Anyway, I'm just happy to report that we didn't get any food-borne disease from trying out all these food. Thank God! Our stomachs are trained to eat dirty stuff anyway! LOL!

Okay, I know that you've probably had enough of our gastronomic adventures, but I was just saving the best for last. Haha! Of course we didn't go cheapo all the way. We also tried some nice restaurants in the city.  There was this one place in the mall (I forgot which one, haha!) where we tried the most delectable Chicken Rice in the planet! 

It was sooooo good I can almost feel the wetness  forming in my..... (pants) mouth! DUH! What were you thinking?! LOL! Everything that we ordered was superb. The fish and the shrimp were also magnifico! :)  I just can't recall if this was in Siam Paragon or Siam Square. LOL! So much for trying to be a "Lonely-Planet"-worthy-read. Ha!
4. Alright, enough about food! Next similarity of both cities is the abundance of nightclubs and girly bars in town! The names of the clubs in Patpong would give the Pope a heartattack! Imagine stepping inside the "Super Pussy Club" or the "Pussy Collection"!


Like how in the world does a super pussy looks like? And what can a super pussy do? Hahahaha! Yeah those were my exact thoughts at that time. I wanted to go inside but my companions didn't want to. Of course I didn't dare go inside on my own because they might turn my kitty to a super pussy too! Hahahahahaha! We have plenty of girly bars here in Manila, especially in the Malate or Pasay area, but we don't have pingpong shows. LOL. I don't know if the lack of such is a good thing or a bad thing. Ha!

5. Lastly, since that was our first trip to Bangkok, we wanted to see some of the 'touristy' sites like the Wat Arun, Wat Po and the Grand Palace. Wat stands for temple in Thai. 


So yeah, we pretty much had a bit of Temple overload. Haha!


As if the sights in Bangkok werent enough, we also went to Ayutthaya for more 'touristy' spots.  


I was amazed by the grandiosity of the Grand Palace and was overwhelmed by the beauty of Wat Po and Wat Arun. Definitely a must-see if you are in Bangkok.  

No matter how similar Bangkok is to our beloved Manila, it would still be nice to experience how our asian brothas' do their thing in their own place. Try to go to there at least once in your life and please watch the pingpong show  (google it if you don't know what it is) for me. Videotape it if you can! Haha!

**please watch out for the Part 2 of my report...coming soon!**

The Unpure Traveller,


Friday, February 12, 2010

The New Me

Looking at old photos makes me nostalgic and cathartic at the same time. It makes me realize how far I've come - in life, in looks (hahaha! As if!), in everything.  Photos are not only visible imprints of yourself, it also takes you back to that particular moment, to that particular feeling when that picture was taken.

I was thin as a rail (read: 70lbs!) during my growing up years. Not to mention, super dusky too! Haha! My classmates way back in elementary would always tease me because of these qualities.  To their defense, they never bullied me or anything (thanks to my Granny who was always to the rescue), but somehow it made me feel like I was the 'Ugly Duckling'. I was putting up a brave front, but deep inside I was feeling soooo inferior. It never got to the point where I would cry because of their incessant teasings, instead, it proved as a challenge for me to be at my best! What I lacked in the 'visual department', I more than made up for in matters of the intellect! *wicked smile*

I studied real hard and got good grades in school. I was Valedictorian during my Elementary years and Salutatorian in Highschool. I joined several quizbees (spelling bees mostly! Haha! and math too) and even went as far as running for the Student Council (I won as far as I recall).  I earned the respect of my teachers and classmates.  The teasing stopped (okay, it did not totally stop but it lessened. LOL), and people were starting to notice me beyond my physical attributes (or lack thereof). 

I was starting to gain people's attention and I slowly became a part of the 'IN' crowd (naks)! I started joining not only academic activities but extra-curricular ones too. I joined the dance club. Yes, "Stars" and "Foolish Heart" were among our hit moves back then. Haha! I don't know when or how it actually started, but I was slowly coming out of my shell.

From Drab to Fab!

Looking back at this photo 16 years later brings a smile (okay, to be honest, I laughed out loud...and yes, you can laugh too if you want!) to my face.  It takes me back to those years when I was feeling lanky and gawky and ugly as a toad.  It brought me back to the times when I would hide under my Granny's skirt out of embarassment or shame or fear. I am happy to say that I have evolved into a wonderful woman (oh yessssss, I can definitely say that now) - matured, charming, smart and confident.  I have finally come to terms with myself.  I have come to realize that to be able to radiate beauty, you have to feel beautiful inside. To be able to make people love you, you have to love yourself first. Yes, beauty is more than skin-deep.

But of course, you can't just rely on faith, hardwork and self-love. Thanks to GlutaMax, it helps me look fresh and feel good all day, every day! :)

GlutaMAX, See the Results!
(My GlutaMAX capsules with the special participation of my lovable Oinky!)

P.S.: GlutaMAX is availabe at your leading drugstores nationwide!

The Unpure One,


Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Cool Day!

I'm happy and chirpy and sparkly (sparkly?! what am I? wine?! Haha!) today!  I was feeling feverish the past couple of days but I'm glad I'm feeling better now. Yay! What's that idiom again...thinks... thinks... thinks..... I'm in the pink of health! Yeah that's it! :)

It's 32-freakin-degrees Celsius today! Hot! Hot! Hot! If you have been following my blog, you pretty much know that I'm the Queen of Cheap, right? :) Well, not really cheap cheap but, you know, I'm just trying to pinch my pennies a lil' tighter. FRUGAL is the new SEXY! Haha, yeah right! So anyway, because I'm super cheap (and sexy), I seldom use my aircon no matter how hot it is outside. I just use my trusty fan. Well, it's not actually just 'a fan', it's 'A FAN'! LOL! Picture this --- Stainless steel blades with cool gushing air that will put the elves in Northpole to shame. Haha! Oh yeah, it's hot today, hotter than usual. So I switched on my aircon after 70 years of hibernation - I brought it back to life. What was really funny about it was what my maid said "Ay, gumagana pala yan? Kala ko sira! Ndi mo kase ginagamet!" (translation: "Oh, it's working? All along I thought it was busted because I havent ever seen you use it!"). Hahaha! My maid and her tactless mouth. Don't you just love her? My electric bill doubles everytime I use the AC so I try to use it only for 'special occasions'... Ha!

Alright, I'll stop now before you find me weird. Just wanted to share with you the funny highlight of my day. Have a cool (use your goddamn aircons, you cheapo bastards!) day everyone! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

The Queen of Cheap,


PS: Yeah I know, my translation sucks. LOL! And yes I still owe you Part 2 of my Bangkok Trip. 'will try to post it within the week. *wink*

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Unpure One gets PHYSICAL!

I have never been the sporty type of gal. I was never the kid in highschool who would always join varsities and sportsclubs on a whim. I would much rather prefer to read or sing or dance (not that I am good at it) than risk my extremities for something sporty and strenuous.

The only sports I remember playing when I was young was Chess and Softball.  I was a varsity player for both sports. Again, not that I'm good at it. I play Chess wayyyyy better than I play Softball.  I don't really get why you have to strike a ball then catch it with all your might just so you can throw it back. Like DUH?! Just throw the f@ckin' ball and don't return it! Hahaha!

When I was a kid, I was contented playing with my Barbie's and dressing them up like models or teachers or ho's! Ha! I never learned how to swim nor ride a bike. (Though I know it's not yet too late to try). Hahaha! So now that I am older (and still as sissy as ever), I try to make up for all those times when I missed out on all those adrenaline-rushing fun!
I tried doing wall-rapelling (I'm all smiles but my knees are buckling!) It's the first jump off the wall that's the hardest! I tried my best to cling to my friends but to my disappointment, it did me no good. Hahah!

I tried to re-create a 'superwoman' pose but it came off as goofy. This is more like a "Mighty Mouse (gay version)" pose.


And as if that is not enough, I also tried to do skimboarding.  But of course, it was just because I was trying to pull off a brawny yet sexy image. Ha, as if! In today's world, women who do men's sports are considered hawt! hawt! hawt! So I tried to fit in. LOL! But in the end, all my efforts turned futile.

I can't freaking balance myself atop the skimboard! Haha! I tried doing it like 500 times but I can't move longer than a foot! Hahaha! It was funny and embarassing all at the same time because there were a handful of people watching. They might have thought of me as autistic or something.

I tried doing it over and over again but each time's no better than the first time. Sigh. How do they f@cking do it?! It looks easy when you see them do it but once you're the one doing it, naku, I tell you, it's hard!!!!

I once tried this thing in Powerplant Mall wherein I was tied to a bungee cord but instead of the normal bungee jump, I was thrown almost 30 feet in the air and was bounced back thru a trampoline. Whew! It would've went on for a full 15minutes but I can't take it anymore so I backed out 5minutes into the thingy.  Imagine the feeling of your intestines being pulled down while you are being thrown up in the air. Yikes!

And then my recent attempt at trying to be adventurous found me a few feet up in the sky! Weeeee! I didnt know that paragliding could be so much fun!


I literally had to hold on to dear life because I'm so paranoid that if I ever let go of the harness, I will land straight into the water. And I told you I didn't know how to swim, right? Ha! It was exhilirating yet fun! 

I'm not all made up of girly bits. Beneath this vain and finicky exterior, is a tough and wild chick who will try anything adventurous, at least once in her life. (anal sex and unicycling excluded)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Done in 20minutes! (and nope, it's not what I think you are thinking)

I feel sooooooo guilty for not updating my blog for a couple of weeks now. Things have been pretty busy in the work and personal front that I cannot find myself squeezing in some blog time.

Anyway, I was dressing up for dinner one night last weekend and I noticed that I have managed to cut down my 'prep time' from the usual 1-hour to a record-breaking, heart stopping, eye-popping (hahaha, OA!), mere 20 minutes! Wowwwwww! Yes gentlemen, 20 minutes of 'prep time' is considered short by women's standards. Ha!

Here is a picture of the Unpure One who has just woken up from an afternoon nap-slash-beauty rest. Haha! If you can't find the beauty in the picture, then go to your nearest eye doctor and have a consult! (P.S.: Can you see my abs? If you think I have abs instead of flabs, then you DEFINITELY need to get a consult! Hahaha)


And after 20 minutes of fast shower, swift brushing of the teeth anda very quick blow (drying of the hair), Voila! The Unpure One is done! Of course I did away with the usual ironing of the hair and just decided to wear a headband to hide my unruly mane. 

What also kept my shower ritual down to 20 is that I cut back on putting on make-up.  Just a little gloss on the lips and tint on the cheeks and I am readdddddyyyyy.  I don't know if this is one sign of old age, but I noticed that as I get older, I tend to put on less make-up. Maybe because I am simply turning from a frivolously young girl to a matured (hold your laughter please! I can hear you from here!) and fun woman who is comfortable in her own skin.

I have yet to give you an account of my weekend in Bangkok. I will resume amazing you with my funny yet perv thoughts about life and stuff probably this weekend when I am not bothered by work and personal stuff.  Yes, I have a life too aside from blogging. LOL!

So do check back once in awhile for little senseless blogs like this.  'tis actually my way of saying that I am still alive and rockin' but is too hot and bothered fo' bloggin'! (Haha! I should have become a rap artist!)

And by the way, thanks to all of you who keep on following my blog. I noticed that I have just reached 700+ hits in a month's time. Thank you people! I'll leave you with a warm grateful smile that will brighten even the pitch black room of hell.