Friday, July 9, 2010

Prosti-Dude

It's the rainy season once again! Single ladies like me (?!) loathe this time of the year. Picture this - patter of the rain on the window, dark skies, wind as chilly as December air in New York and you only have your cheap comforter to give you warmth. Pathetic right? Right!  

No one to hug when you get scared of the thunder. No one to cuddle when you feel cold. No hand to reach when you want to feel tingly and warm. 

Morbid! 

No boytoy around and you're in heat? Why not pay for it! :p Hehehe!

Prosti-Dude

Let me introduce you, my unpure girlies, to "Markus". He is the first legal male "hooker" in the US. He charges $200 for his services. And take note girls, that is only for a 40-minutes "service". Wow. That's like Php 12,000!!! Freaking cow! I can buy lots of clothes for that amount! "Markus" is a 25 years old ex-Marine and his string of costumers include spinsters, divorcees, and hot, adventurous cougars (and lonely single feisty bloggers. Hahahaha!)! 

** Pouty lips, puppy-dog eyes, chest as hard (or as soft?) as pandesal in the early morn! YUM!


He is the first ever male prostitute to join the stable of the infamous Shady Lady Ranch, a Nevada brothel. "Markus" shared that he had a dysfunctional relationship with his mom and it was through prostitution that he found the 'intimacy' that he lacked while he was growing up.

Prosti-Dude's Quotable Quotes

“Everything looks great down there.”

“I’m not a hooker, I'm a surrogate lover."

“I’ve healed people.”

“Women can be a prostitute. But not men.”

---------------------------------------------
DISCLAIMER : This post is intended for comic relief. The blog owner does not condone prostitution. (But I may have a different stand 10 years from now, LOL!)


The Unpure Prosti-dud,


-=K=-


** Not my type, sorry! Haha!

[Source: here]

29 comments:

Abou said...

ang saya na post hehe

:-)

Don Dee said...

Like I always tell my sibs, when all else fails, there is always that last option, sell my last marketable commodity -- me. lol.

Been propositioned (indecent) a few of times. Finessed naman so hindi ako offended (and not just gay guys but also women). I don't know. I don't think I can turn pro. I give it away for free naman. Though as you well know, I've stopped doing "community service". Haha!

neckromancer said...

I'd like to razz this guy but I saw you got a good job out of it.

kikilabotz said...

pwedo po bang matawa? hahahahaha

-=K=- said...

Abou - masaya nga. Macho diba? LOL!

Double D - wow buti ka pa may mga indecent proposals! HAHAHAHA! Hawt!

Neckro - can I borrow $200 from you so I can avail his services? :p

Kikilabotz - sige tawa ka lang. Kamuka mo sya! Hahaha! LOL, kidding. Love your video.

Anal Beads said...

Cool! Funny blog post! You made me "Rolling on the floor laughing"! First time in my life I saw a name "Prostidude" HAHAHAHAHA You are totally funny girl! Keep it up! I'm going to visit your blog site often.

-=K=- said...

Anal Beads - Thanks for dropping by :) I saw your site and I saw some quirky looking things. Might make a blog about one of em in the next few days if that's okay with you :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Ms. Ki,

Thank you for your great blog. i can relate to it.

May i ask for your opinion please?

You see, i may not be a prostidude but i'm a boy toy, or is it toy boy? Whatever. A big toy for a bad girl. Me, i'm so totally into her, but she only wants me for my body. You know what the signs are.

If so, that means i'm a boy toy, or toy boy, right? Is that just as bad as being a prostidude?

What should i do? i keep promising myself each time i go to see her that it will be the last time, but she always gets me to come again, and again, and again - i mean to see her. i've tried eating plenty of papaya, pleading headaches, praying, and thinking pious thoughts like they said in school, but to no avail.

Hope to hear from you. i have trouble sleeping at night thinking about my situation. Sorry to sound melodramatic, but i want to end it all.

Just call me,

Boylet

-=K=- said...

Boylet,

Being a boytoy is just as bad as being a prosti-dude. Actually it is lower in so many levels, mainly because she gets to use your body and she uses it for free! :p Haha! WTF!

What you should do is to continue seeing her. Take her out often, make time for her, continue telling her how much you love her. Because in the end, no matter how bad it sounds, it's worth it. :)

P.S. This girl you're talking about - is she dangerously sweet, smart and sexy?


-=K=-

Anonymous said...

Dear Ms. K,

Thank you for your perceptive comments, even if my self-esteem has taken a dive. i did not know being a boy toy was worse than being a prosti-dude. Guess that's life in the big city.

But i am so into her and yes, she is dangerously sweet, smart and sexy. Hot!

i will take your advice and let you know if and how i survive being her boy toy.

Like the song says, i'd rather have bad times with her than good times with someone else. Yay. Nosebleed time.

Once again,

Boylet

nozrath said...

Boylet, I don't think you're lower than the prosti dude.

Remember that you are doing community service. hehehe.

Pwede You could choose to be her doormat... Or you could suddenly be unavailable...
It works for me even when i unintentionally use it.

But is has a risk. If she's not into you emotionally, she'll find someone else. If she is, well, she's as good as yours. hehehe.

Good luck.

Don Dee said...

Boylet,

I don't see the problem dude. I had a "relationship(?)" who paid for eveything. Haha. I enjoyed the ride. But no, I was never emotionally invested. When it was time for me to let her go, I simply let her go. And oh yeah, this was the time I was still doing "community service". I am done and over with that phase in my life.

-=K=- said...

Boylet,

Did I just hear you sing "I'd rather break beds with you than break beds with someone else." LOL. Break breads? :P

When it's time to go, it's time to go. And you said bad guys don't self-destruct right? So you'll be fine.



:)

moreinz said...

wow K you suddenly turned to a "helen velaish" writer with this topic of yours... i love it!

Anonymous said...

Thank you for all your comments about my predicament.

My heart belongs to her, even if i'm only a boytoy.

Maybe when the time comes and i get discarded, ill do community service instead, but not for free. Become a prostidude, but i like "midnight cowboy" better. And it would be a step up from being a boytoy. Hiya Puti, tigidig, tigidig.

How would i start? i'm taking stock of my assets now. Should i offer free promo sampling?

Boylet

PS: Ms. K, what's that about breaking beds? How do you break beds? Wow.

nozrath said...

Boyet,

WTF! Wake up Dude. She's not the last girl you'll ever trade bodily fluids with. Its been a known fact that the human body reseases pheromones whenever you get laid... err. have sex... err, make love.

So, if you frequently make love to one woman, you'll feel like as if you're in love with her.

It might just be body chemistry. Wag mo naman hatulan ng bitay sarili mo. Itayo mo bandera natin! Hehehe.

About "Breaking beds". Don't even dream about it. Ansakit sa katawan. Lol.

After that, I switched to the floor. Hahaha.

-=K=- said...

Banig + Damuhan = the purrfect date! No beds breaking. Just pure, unadulterated, grass romping. Lovettt!

Yes, there goes my "damuhan" fantasy again. Hahaha!

So Boylet, do tell - are you in love or in lust?

Anonymous said...

Nozrath - thanks, man. You have given me new hope. Pero na-adik na ako sa pheromones niya. Nilagyan yata yung beer ko. Di bale, itatayo ko bandera using my flagpole. Pero mas ok kanya-kanya tayo ng bandera at flagpole, para kanya-kanya sariling sikap. Yung breaking beds. Hirap nun gawin ha, pang-bucket list ko yun.

Ms. K - i think it's love. i keep thinking and thinking of her, even when i'm not thinking. Oh, her pheromones, can't get enough of them.

Yung tungkol sa damuhan, ika nga ng French: MADAMOSHA, OUI, OUI. WTF.

Boylet

PS: bakit "clogi" yung word verification ko? Sama pakinggan, parang "log-its" ang dating. Pweh.

nozrath said...

Khaye, you bad, bad, naughty girl. (Damuhan)I've never thought about that. Now, I have to spend the rest of my life with that thought. You're messing up with my innocence. Huhuhu. . . :(

I never knew you were that much of a nature lover. :)
But I have had fantasies involving the peak of a mountain facing the beach, a tent and a hot date. ;)

--------------------------
Boylet, If you're that much into her pheromones, chances are, she's already into your pheromones too. She's just not showing it. Or maybe you're just too busy sniffing her in.

I think you should consider a make or break tactic. Ipamana ko na lang kaya sa iyo ang details ng unavailability routine? How old are you anyway?

-=K=- said...

Pano yung unavailability routine? Share! Maybe I can use that too! Hehe!

Why bother with a tent when you can make do with a banig? Hehe. Higa lang kayo tapos star-gazing tapos later on gazing into each other's eyes na then gazing into each other's privates na. Oooops, sorry. I got carried away. Hehe.

Madamosha Oui Oui - very brilliant! Hehe! Muntik nako mawiwi kakatawa. :)

simplysaycheese said...

@K

walked down to your blog as i hop around the blog sphere interesting (enticing, lol) topics you got around here. more power.

@boytoy

may asawa na ba si boytoy user? ingat lang baka army o pulis yung asawa nyan baka ma headlines ka.

Dani said...

""Markus" shared that he had a dysfunctional relationship with his mom and it was through prostitution that he found the 'intimacy' that he lacked while he was growing up.""

LOLs. Whatthefuck. :))

Anonymous said...

@ simplysaycheese - i don't want to find out if she's married or taken. But i think she has a powerful sugar daddy. Maybe i'm living dangerously. Hope not.

Our verbal communication starts and ends with hello. Then everything goes into slow motion and overdrive at the same time. Everything she wants me to do, my body does it. Scary. It's like an addiction, even if i think she's just using me.

i know i have to put a stop to it.
i feel silly sharing this here. Sorry, Ms. K. But i feel helpless and i think i need help.

cheese said...

i don't know but it is really up to you on how you will set your boundaries. it is up to you when to stop.

do you think that you love her? if you do honestly why not tell her. hear her thoughts about it. i guess her answer will give you a clearer picture of what to do.

Anonymous said...

hahaha the comments are way funnier and interesting compared to the article posted.

thanks guys!

RedbeD

Anonymous said...

Yeah right DON DEE, we all know u pay for gay sex.

lunchbox said...

uhh,, this comment will let the world know that I watch porn... but I've seen this guy in a porn flick of "Can He Score" with a beautiful lass. According to that video, he was a chicken farmer. Really!

And no, I'm not gay thank you very much. I did not recognize the guy because he was the one I'm watching. Haha. I was after the girl of course. Pero one can't help but be familiar with faces at one time or another.

ftracena said...

hahaha nice post :)

dwizzt said...

haahahahaha.. comic relief talaga.. natawa ako sa disclaimer.. HAHHAHAAHAHAHAHA