Tuesday, January 26, 2010

How do you define "LIGHT FACKING"? (Yes, I'm bad with spelling)

Hahaha! I'm in one of my hyper-slash-insane moods. I will go to Thailand in 2 days and I haven't packed yet.  I will be there for a couple of days. But of course, you don't expect me to just bring enough pairs of shirts, dresses and skirts right? What If I suddenly decide to go to a club? Or I suddenly decide to revisit the beauty of the Grand Palace (which is highly unlikely since I've been there before)? Or what If I suddenly decide to check out the museums in Chiang Mai (which is highly unlikely because I'm not in the mood to soak up on culture this time around)? Or what If I suddenly had the urge to go swimming in Pattaya (swimming in Pattaya? Are you effin' kidding me!)?

Should I pack light? Or pack hard? (Hahahaha!)... Decisions, decisions, decisions....I once traveled to Singapore with only 10kilos-load of clothes! And no carry-on! That's a feat! I was there for barely a week and I managed to get by by borrowing some shirts and shorts from my friends. Ha! I'm a cheaterrrrr! =D

It's really hard to be a girl sometimes.  I know I can get by with just enough clothes but when I think of those "what if" scenarios, it makes me want to bring my entire closet! Hahaha!

It's now 3:15pm and I am supposed to be asleep because I have to go to work in 6 hours time, but here I am, still awake - blogging in between thoughts of what clothes to bring. Sigh. I better put this off 'till tomorrow. Maybe all I need to do is to sleep this off. Tomorrow is another day... another suitcase to fill! =)

The Unpure Packer,


(Photo Credit: www.ottawaathome.ca)

Monday, January 25, 2010

This Is It!

I have been pretty busy lately with work and school (and being a vixen in-between) that I havent had time to watch movies either in the cinema or on DVD. So I promised myself to catch up on recently-released hits.

Just to give you a brief background, I was never a music lover. I didnt grow up buying posters of the Spice Girls, or singing to Madonna's "Like A Virgin".  I only know a tad bit about music, and what little I know about, I am not even sure of! Ha! If you get to see the playlists on my iPod, man, you'd feel as if you are in a labyrinth.  There's lots of songs, yes. But I dont even know if half of them is garbage. I just download songs and God-knows-what.  I am soooo not up-to-date when it comes to music.

I got to see "This Is It" this weekend. It is not a movie, it is more of a documentary or concert-slash-movie of Michael Jackson. Yup, you can see the big L on my forehead, right? :) I am definitely a certified loser for having seen this only now. But, 'tis better late than pregnant never! I know no shit about music, but I definitely know a handful about Michael Jackson! I was awed when he dedicated his song "Gone Too Soon" to this young boy who died of AIDS.  I think it was fuzzy and heartwarming for him to do that. I also liked how he conceptualized "Heal The World".  He is one of the few artists I know who, despite his fame and fortune, still gives importance on what is basic and essential and pure.  He believes in the world and he believes in the people in it. He strives for peace and healing through his music. Sigh, how I wish there'd be more Michael Jacksons in this world.

I was moved by his greatness as an artist and as a person that I was crying during the majority of the movie.  For someone who is not musically-inclined, you definitely moved me.  RIP Michael.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

FAST FACT # 1 : Rubber Matters!

Yes you read it right - Rubber Matters! And we are not talking about rubber duckies here. I am talking about the Love Glove, the Willie Warmer, the Love Sock, the Goalie... Hahaha! If you still don't get it after all the names I have given you, man,  you should go back and re-take Sex Ed 101!

I am a safe-sex advocate. I believe in the saying, "If you can't be good, at least be safe".  Safe from unwanted pregnancies and from STDs.  More and more people nowadays, even without entering marital bliss, are having sex. Yes, that's a fact (no pun intended)! In a world where everything's almost digital, the spread of STD is most likely as fast as spreading a Trojan virus on an unsuspecting network. Though we feel less of the velvety sensation when the rubber is on, it is better than knowing later on that you got the clap or the crab from that one night of heated, unprotected passion.

According to Wikipedia:

A condom (pronounced /ˈkɒndəm/ (US) or /ˈkɒndɒm/ (UK)) is a barrier device most commonly used during sexual intercourse to reduce the likelihood of pregnancy and spreading sexually transmitted diseases (STDs—such as gonorrhea, syphilis, and HIV). It is put on a man's erect penis and physically blocks ejaculated semen from entering the body of a sexual partner. 

 In the modern age, condoms are most often made from latex, but some are made from other materials such as polyurethane, polyisoprene, or lamb intestine.
 Lamb intestine?! WTF! It is my first time to come across an article saying that there is another material used for condom other than latex! And sheep intestines at that! Wow! This got me interested so I did a little research myself. And by researching, I didn't mean actually having to try how it feels like rubbing against my vajayjay. Hahaha! Duh! I found out that these types of rubbers are more expensive than the ones we usually see in 7-11.  They are more expensive because they provide more sensation BUT it is not a surefire way of blocking STDs because the pores of animal intestines are bigger than latex.  So if I were you, I'd stick with the traditional condoms out in the market.

There are lots of condom variations available nowadays. There's the ribbed, the dotted, the super thin, the bulbhead (haha! I can just picture out how it looks like!), the studded (not with diamonds I hope. Ouch!), the glow-in-the-dark, the flavored ones (I hope they come out with a "Sinigang"or "Adobo" variant because the chocolate and orange flavored rubbers are becoming boring), and a wholeeeeee lot of other fancy-schmancy.

 So better stop reading this post and go buy a condom now! If you can't beat the heat, put on that latex sheet! (Cool rhyme right? LOL!)

Sex advice from the Unpure One,


(Photo Credit: Condom cartoon by Toonpool.com)

Monday, January 18, 2010

10 Things Men Wish Women Knew

I got this through email and thought it would be a nice read to share with all of you, my Unpure readers. :) I have always been clueless with men as they are with me. Ha! It's either I like them or I despise them, no in-betweens. There have been moments when men blew me away (stop thinking perverse thoughts! I'm referring to sweet mushy stuff that swept me off my feet! DUH!!!!). But there have also been moments when I just want to kick their ass and finish it with a chokeslam (think WWE: Undertaker style).

In my 28 years of existence in this world, I have come across a lot of men. Different personalities, different smells, different shoe sizes and what-not, different age brackets, different cars, different timezones. I thought that after all these serial dating, I would finally come to understand how men are wired. But of course I thought wrong! LOL! Poor, clueless me! Single at 28? Horrible, right? Moreso like the earthquake in Haiti, the Tsunami in Thailand, the giant meteor in Siberia, even the demise of the Titanic! You pretty much have a good picture now of how horrible it is, right? (say yes before I can get more graphic. Haha)

Okay, so in my quest of understanding men and how they think (oh yes, they think too! How nice, right?), I want you to read through the rest of the article and let me know what you think. Yes, I welcome all of you to post comments and share what you know about men. C'mon, help me out here!

1. Confidence is Sexier Than the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
How a woman sees herself is ultimately how the man will see her. Despite how media and commercialism tries to bend this rule, attraction is only partially about a woman's physical appearance. Studies have shown time and again that men's attraction to women is a combination of personality, confidence and body language. In other words, feeling sexy is being sexy!

2. Leave us Alone in the Bathroom

I won't bother you if you don't bother me. This is how most men think about the bathroom. Men generally dislike being disrupted in the bathroom, no matter what they are doing. They do not want to be asked how their day was, or if they are going "number two." In addition, most men prefer their partner to close the door when they are doing their own business.

3. Pornography is not a Replacement for Sex With You
Pornography and self-gratification are very common among men. So common, in fact, that the three-fourths of men who admit to it in studies could very well be the only ones telling the truth. As long as the pornography is not a crutch for a troubled relationship, it is a harmless act. If you are concerned about his involvement with porn, the best approach is to talk about it with an open mind, rather than to make accusations. Set boundaries if you must, but a closet porn-watcher is much more unhealthy than one who is open about it with his partner.

4. The Fastest Way to a Man's Heart Really is Through His Stomach
Men love being cooked for, which has absolutely nothing to do with the stereotype of the barefoot and pregnant wife slaving away over a hot stove while he's off doing men's work. It's the 21st century, and studies show men are doing more of the cooking than ever before. Men, however, continue to enjoy the privilege of a home-cooked meal. In fact, Australian research shows men sometimes prefer good food to sex. Good cooking may very well lead to the last headache you'll ever need to fake.

5. We Love the Sound of Your Voice in the Bedroom
You don't have to go overboard -- just let him know he's on the right track. Unless, of course, he isn't, then that is a whole different discussion. Many men base their success, in the moment, on their partners' verbal and visual cues. Studies have shown that men are much more likely to orgasm during their partners' bouts of verbal ecstasy than while quiet. Your voice may be all the Viagra he will ever need.

6. Men Aren't Sexoholics, We Just Need to Feel Wanted
While sex is a biological draw in men, it is also an emotional one. Sex is much more than just biology to a man, it is an outlying force which rates his overall satisfaction with life. Men need to feel wanted, and regular sex offers him a confidence that will carry over into everything he does. When he is rejected from sex, he feels rejected as a partner, husband and provider.

7. We Like the Idea of Romance, We Just Don't Always Know What to do
Most men have tried to be a Romeo at some point in their lives. We know we love you, we want to show you, but we are not always sure how to do it. Sometimes these efforts are hidden within such simple gestures as fixing the kitchen sink, or building a new shelf in the bathroom. Compared to long-stem roses, these offerings may not seem romantic to women, but they truly mean so much coming from your man.

8. Men Enjoy the Challenge of Getting Lost and Finding Our Way Back
This is a big one between many men and women, especially if you have been in a relationship for a long time. Men will inevitably get lost, refuse to ask for directions, and by the time they get where they were going, their partner is fuming with irritation. Relax, men have made it this far in life without anyone guiding us, so why start now. Men love the feeling of self-navigating out of a jam. Don't rob us of this proud moment, and we won't rob you of the time it takes to choose a perfect skirt to go with that blouse.

9. "Ok" is an Acceptable Answer to "How Was Your Day?"
Studies show men use the same amount of words per day as women -- we just don't always talk about the same things. At the end of the work day, the woman is anxious to tell him all about her it -- 'this happened, then that, she said this and I did that.' When she asks him about his day, he shrugs and says, "it was ok," and this drives her nuts. Remember, if we really have something to tell you, we will. Most men are reserved talkers. It's not that we don't want to share, it's just that we don't think we have anything important to say.

10. What You See Is What You Get
Most men have run into a relationship where his partner loved most everything about him, except for those one or two things that really drove her nuts. She may have believed that she could change him, or perhaps he even told her that he could change. Truth is, for most men, what you see is what you get. If you don't like what you see, then you're probably not going to like what you get! Don't think you can change us, because you probably can't.

(SOURCE: www.californiapsychics.com)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Iced Tea, BEER or Me?

I have a thing for older men,
I do not know why I do;
Like moth to fire, Im attracted to men like you.

It’s the way you talk, your suave ways,
Oh how I find it adorable.
                            With charms like that,  you look super beddable!

   Kissing, Groping, Petting, 
   You must think of these things as juvenile.
   If I do it with you, make sure it’s worth my while.

The night is young and so are we
If you were to order one thing from the menu;
What would it be – Iced Tea, Beer or ME?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

His for 3 hours … and a Whopper

(… Or HER side of the same …)

I am never the kiss and tell type but for the sake of this blog, I will share to you a little something something in my humdrum existence. Things have been generally quiet lately, but the most incredible story just happened to me and I thought it would make a good story to tell! Hang on to your bra straps because what you're about to read will flatten your perm no doubt! Haha!

Anyway, me and the girls decided to go out and party last Friday, after work. Took a minute to drop by at our place, with Girlie, changed into our sluttiest sexiest outfit and headed out to the bar … Maaaaaan! The place hasn't changed since our glorious days! Still the odd mix of working girls, johns, dinks, yuppies and old-American-bags-on-the-rebound. Same great Cuban and Brazilian music. By 11, the place was packed and the beat really picked up.

At one point, I see this guy across the bar, sitting with his buddies, talking and laughing. No girl at their table and apparently not desperate to have one or more join them. The guy and I made eye contact and I could tell that I'd made an impression … poor him was literally drooling all over! He looked like a Dirty Old Man 60ish but with a reasonably "young face", so probably late 40s or so; classic looks; more gentleman than bum but, that twinkle in his eyes, 'was funny. Not especially good looking, yet … I thought for sure he would find a way to say something, do something, come over, send a drink, or whatever! But maybe he realized that I wasn't one of the freelancers….Like I said though, n-o-t-h-i-n-g from him! I turned over to check on him later on and he'd just … vanished! Couldn't believe it. The nerd!!! Hahaha!

The following morning, Girlie got a call from Jimmy who happens to be this guy's best friend. It turns out *E, (my silent admirer's name) wanted to contact me, so Girlie gave Jimmy my phone number. Long story short, an hour later I get a text from E (really a nerd, like he couldn't call or what? Duh!), inviting me for coffee and by 1pm, we're sitting at some joint at The Mall (hate that place, the guy has no class or what?).

We start chitchatting, and I suddenly realize that Eis positively convinced I'm a working girl! Couldn’t believe it! What a funny twist on things! So here he is, suggesting we go to this short-time motel on the strip and I thought to myself … "Why not!? Let's play the part!" And so we head out to the motel (my first! his surely not!!). All along, E keeps talking about himself, what he does, where he goes, what he likes and doesn't like – the usual USan, oblivious to the fact that the universe revolves neither around the USofA, nor him personally. He's obviously not interested in knowing who I am and what I do - the two or three words I manage to pitch in are my desperate attempt to demonstrate that I DO have a brain, but I am by now convinced that any attempt on my part to "inform him" of who his companion is is pointless – he just doesn't care about that. So we finally get there, he definitely knows his way around the place, he flashes a card (!) to an attendant, buzzes right through into the garage and up we go to a room! Woooow! Guuurl! Tacky the place, wheeeeew! I try to act like I'm familiar with the setting, and play the part of the hardened long-legged creature. But inside, I was just howowowowowling!!!

Apparently the obligatory first step once the door is closed behind us … the kissing… Re-heeeeeeew! His tongue was all over the place, like he's trying to clean up the inside of my esophagus all the way down to my large intestine! Gee! I mean, the guy obviously never learned the 101 of serious kissing! So I obliged and undertook to teach him a thing or two about the sublime, delicate and refined art of kissing. He did seem to have a good time, so much so actually that he started pushing my head towards his crotch… And when I say "pushing", I mean "p-u-s-h-i-n-g". Daaaaaam! Now talk about failing the Romanticism-for-Dummies course! (Actually, the thought of buying him a copy of the book did cross my mind, but I gave up on that as well as I thought I would NEVER in the world wish to be the one to reap the fruits of his self-education – but can he even read? AhAhAh!)

In any event, pushing/passive resistance, more pushing/more active resistance … in the end, he didn't get it, so I gave in and decided on the spot I'd give him the best US$200,000/year (*get calculator and convert to Philippine Pesos*) blowjob he'd ever get! And a royal one he got! I was silently going through all my mental notes on the topic, the do's and don’ts, the tips your granny never gives you (did she ever even know it could be done?!?), and motioning as I saw amateur-girl/virgin-next-door (!!!) doing in porn vids I'd watched on ourporn. Seemed to do the trick 'cause E came in 7 seconds flat! Wham-Bang-Thank-You-Ma'am! Another 3 seconds and he was snoring like a little angel, with a wide grin of perfect self-satisfaction.

After a relatively quiet 1.5 hour break watching tv with my "angel" at my side (and the not so muffled sound of a Boeing 747 reactor at take-off for background noise covering tv voices…), E woke up, ready for more of course! And so he dived straight away in between my legs, not licking but more like lapping (dog-style, and in not so refined manner), not caressing but more like trying to fist me, then rolling over and lifting me on top of him, lying flat on his back, motionless, as he let me do all the work. Wish I could tell you I did get some pleasure out of that second round but the poor guy was half-limp!!!! Double DUH!!! This was definitely NOT meant to be MY turn!!! Sadly, he did last more than 7 seconds this time around (probably an "age-thing"), and after much huffing and puffing (his own, while for my part, I did my best to give him the most convincing Japanese-style sighing/screaming/whining I could muster), he finally came in the triple-layered condom he'd asked me to put on for him (did he really think I was std-fully-loaded?!?). Wow!

After mumbling a few words (the substance of which I will never know), my limp-ish E finally got up in a rush, showered in a flash, was dressed up in less time than it took him to fall asleep, and not-so-graciously indicated that he was in a hurry to leave (our time in the PHP 500 room had expired maybe?). He then took me on my first date to Burger King since I was 14 (the curly fries, please! and THREE big Whoppers for him alone …), and he drove me back to The Mall afterwards… He ungallantly threw on my laps $20 as I prepared to get out of his car (!?! 10 bucks a pop? WTF?), kissed me on the cheek, told me he'd call me again soon, and took off in his run-down Civic 97, failing to see me as I got into my Merc 500S.

Such is life my dear friends! Sounds like a terrible story to make you cry. But in all honesty, I have no idea why… since 5 days now, every time I think of it, I feel like bursting out laughing out loud! *insert devilish, bitchy laugh*

* Names used in this story have been changed to protect the identity of the slutty bitch and her accidental 'client'. Hahaha! Are you seriously thinking that this is a true story?!?! Seriously? Triple DUH at yah! Hope you guys liked it :)

The Unpure One,


Thursday, January 7, 2010


(15 Random Facts about me)

1. While most people eat pasta using a fork, I eat spaghetti using both the fork and spoon. Yes, I can be barbaric sometimes.

2. I hate using chopsticks. On the rare occasions that I do, I am just using it to impress my date. LOL.

3. I am shameless. (*insert shameless pic below to prove point*) My friends use this trait of mine to their advantage, ALWAYS! (ie. Asking for a guy’s number in a bar; asking the waiter for the best seat in a restaurant) I feign shyness sometimes, just for the heck of it!

4. I sometimes can’t tell the difference between onion and garlic. Yes, I am stupid! I know! But I know of someone who can’t distinguish between left and right. So who do you think is worse?

5. I’m good with math but I am bad in history and geography!

6. I always feel frisky pre and post-menstrual. TMI *? Hehe!

7. I am a camwhore. I like taking pictures (of myself) anywhere, anytime.

I am even willing to pose nude for collection’s sake.

8. I go gaga over wrestling. There’s something about half-naked, sweaty men fighting in the ring that appeals to me. Strongly. Haha!

9. Piglet is my favorite cartoon character.

10. I am open-minded. My mom thinks I’m liberated. 3-way sex, live-ins and one night stands do not shock me. Whatever floats your boat dude!

11. When I was 6 years old, I wanted to become a mistress for some strange reason.

12. I did have a (ex)boyfriend who was married. But he was legally separated to his wife when we got together.

13. I love to write. And I wish to become a sex/erotica writer someday. FHM, hear me out yo!

14. I will try anything once. To the exception of anal sex and bestiality. Duh!

15. Now that I'm older and a tad bit wiser, I do not want to become a mistress anymore. But I wish to become a sultry, sizzling, and sexy wife to someone who deserves me as much as I deserve him. Cheesy!

*Too much information

(Photo Credit at onset: Deemonita's flickr)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Mine for a day

I was home alone one night, bored. I called on some of my friends to bring some of their friends so we could all have an impromptu party/get-together. We met at this bar in the buzzing district of the metro.

In that party, I saw a lady who definitely got my head rising, the one that usually faces down. I must say women can defy gravity. Once a sexy woman walks by, my only elastic limb rises in attention to give due admiration. The girl I saw had the sweetest smile for the night. Her skin and body-hugging shirt appealed to my sensual urges. I had to get her name.

My bestfriend did just that.

The day after the party, I sent an SMS to one of my friends who also happened to be her friend. I was able to get ahold of her number then sent her an introductory message. I invited her out for coffee the following day and told her that I wanted to get to know her better.

Ladyluck must've been on my side because she agreed to meet with me. A familiar rendezvous point was arranged to speed up the encounter. I arrived a bit late at the mall. I asked for her absolution and it was granted immediately. As our meeting place was quite near the inn district in the city named after a river, I did not hesitate to proceed to that direction.

My girl was definitely a looker for her age and I was definitely pleased. Her tight fitting top complemented her figure. Driving to the motor hotel, I enjoyed our chitchat. I learned a lot about her situation. I reciprocated the favor by telling her about my profession and work location. I manifested my appreciation for accepting this engagement despite the short notice and the even shorter introduction.

As I parked my car into the garage, I knew that I was going to have good time. I could sense this from the way she articulated with me. Any girl who responds well to conversation usually is succeeded by great sex. My thoughts were confirmed.

After the mandatory locking of the door, I made non-verbal expressions that I wanted to perform the language of the country across the English Channel. As soon as our lips were locked and our tongues jockeying for
salivation, I knew I hit paydirt. The kissing was absolutely divine. To date, I must say, she is the best kisser I have ever had bar none. This went on for a good 5 minutes.

I suggested that we shower together but she declined the invitation. So, I decided to get clean first. By doing so, I accomplish my wish of seeing the girl I am about to go coital with coming out the shower
wrapped in a towel. Seeing her come out of the shower, I felt like Alladin.

Sitting on the bed and with her standing over me, we continued our foreign language lessons. Before I could get any grade, my girl proceeded south. I always liked receiving head while I am sitting up. She was licking my rod from pole to base. Her tongue was thirsty for my stiff shaft. After a couple of minutes of that, she motioned that I lay on the bed. I did just that. The felatio did not stop. In fact, it even got better. Even with my genetalia inside her oral orifice, she uttered moans of pleasure as did I because it was contagious.

Minutes later, I told her I was about to explode. She did not stop. She bobbed her head faster and faster. What amazed me was that this girl's whole body was in rhythm during the BBBJ. From the abdomen to her head,
the waving motion was erotically hypnotic. As I screamed the upcoming detonation, she parted her lips from my throbbing shaft and proceeded to rub in a smooth but paced motion. As the silvery liquid erupted, she
did not hesitate to tighten her grip and increase the massage. This sensation was too much for me. I let out my exhilaration through multiple shrieks of ecstasy.

After we cleaned the muddle, she lay beside me. Very malambing, I thought. We talked in our birthday suits for a good 15 minutes. This girl was not at all bashful about our nakedness (pun intended). As the
topic moved to sex, my second head could not help but rise in interest. It was as if it was rising to eavesdrop.

She saw that I was ready for another round.

We again engaged in French kissing. After that, I told her it was my turn to perform oral sex on her. I went down south. She smelled sweet. As my tongue was searching for her clitoris, her whole body shivered. Her love hole was getting quite moist. I reached for the raincoat and asked her to put it on for me. Then, I lay on my back and asked her sit on top of me. She agreed. Whew, my girl could teach Wyatt Earp
some riding lessons. I could sense that she could be a good singer/dancer because her moans were in tempo with her body movements.

It was exhilarating.

I then asked her to dismount as I wanted to do rear entry. There was no hesitation from her. With both of us kneeling, her rear end facing me and her hands on the bed, I glided in slowly. After insertion, I used deliberate and concentrated thrusts to show that I was not at all in a hurry. I wanted to give the same pleasure as she was giving me. I could sense that I was about 5 minutes from climax. I then slightly nudged her down so that she would lay on her stomach. I closed her legs and re-entered from the rear. With her legs inside mine, I now had a tight Elephant position. I could not hold it any longer, I told her my orgasm was forthcoming. Swoosh, I could feel the sailors bursting and hitting the wall that was made of latex. With my orgasm in full force, I still
was slowly pumping in and out. I sought to get every ounce of pleasure that I could.

As I removed the wrapped condom filled with white gold, I saw that my fluids were just as much as I gave out in the first round. I lay on the bed wasted from a bout aerobic activity.

My new found friend was a true one. She was not in a hurry to dress up after the deed. I knew I had more time for the room but I knew my tank was empty. A third round would have taken a very long time and I was
unsure of doing it as I have only done it once in my life.

After our respective showers, we had dinner at a fine restaurant close to the motel. I then drove her home afterwards. The trek from the river city to her house was brimming with funny anecdotes and short stories. We talked as if we were good friends. At least, we were already lovers.

**This story is purely fictional. Any semblance to real life scenario may just be a product of your hallucination. Hahaha! I have always wanted to write an erotica from a guy's perspective. I hope you liked it.