Sunday, August 14, 2011

On San Miguel and Self-Preservation...

I am grateful because I am surrounded by people who love me and want nothing but the best for me.  I like gaining friends and welcoming people in my life. But I realize that I need to do a bit of spring-cleaning too. There are people that I’d want to “un-friend” not because they are bad people but because they bring out something bad in me.  I go through cycles of guilt, anger, and depression everytime I’m with them. I feel like I’m doing a disservice to myself.
There are times when I want to shut them out completely but there also days when I don’t feel like I have enough will to follow through. But I know that I have to break the cycle before it gets the better of me. I have to do something about it and I have to do it soon. I’m sick and tired of the drama.
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                             These were the thoughts that were running in my head two nights ago amidst the noise and the dizzying lights in a bar somewhere in Ortigas. I was feeling a bit off last Friday that’s why I decided to go out after work.  I wanted to be surrounded by happy and fun people. I love being alone but that night was not one of those nights. I wanted to just drown myself in blasting music in the hopes that the noise will clear my head and my heart.


It was good to be in a sea of people who do not know me because they do not know what I was going through. Sometimes it’s a welcome relief to be an anonymous face in the crowd. I smiled. I danced. I laughed. I faked it.

Thank God for San Miguel. It was my saving grace that night. I washed down the negativity that’s eating me alive.

Through the noise, I found peace.




Love,
Khaye

2 comments:

Charles said...

i just modified my FB account's privacy this morning. maybe you can do that, too...

-=K=- said...

Yup, my wall has been set to Private for quite sometime now. But it's not only in Facebook, there are people in my life right now that i think im better off without. But it's easier said than done. S-I-G-H.