Sunday, August 14, 2011

On San Miguel and Self-Preservation...

I am grateful because I am surrounded by people who love me and want nothing but the best for me.  I like gaining friends and welcoming people in my life. But I realize that I need to do a bit of spring-cleaning too. There are people that I’d want to “un-friend” not because they are bad people but because they bring out something bad in me.  I go through cycles of guilt, anger, and depression everytime I’m with them. I feel like I’m doing a disservice to myself.
There are times when I want to shut them out completely but there also days when I don’t feel like I have enough will to follow through. But I know that I have to break the cycle before it gets the better of me. I have to do something about it and I have to do it soon. I’m sick and tired of the drama.

                             These were the thoughts that were running in my head two nights ago amidst the noise and the dizzying lights in a bar somewhere in Ortigas. I was feeling a bit off last Friday that’s why I decided to go out after work.  I wanted to be surrounded by happy and fun people. I love being alone but that night was not one of those nights. I wanted to just drown myself in blasting music in the hopes that the noise will clear my head and my heart.

It was good to be in a sea of people who do not know me because they do not know what I was going through. Sometimes it’s a welcome relief to be an anonymous face in the crowd. I smiled. I danced. I laughed. I faked it.

Thank God for San Miguel. It was my saving grace that night. I washed down the negativity that’s eating me alive.

Through the noise, I found peace.



Charles said...

i just modified my FB account's privacy this morning. maybe you can do that, too...

-=K=- said...

Yup, my wall has been set to Private for quite sometime now. But it's not only in Facebook, there are people in my life right now that i think im better off without. But it's easier said than done. S-I-G-H.